Unless we learn to lower our guards, it is hard to experience the life that we have worked so hard for and deserve. For many men, this immediately sets of alarm bells. It sounds like a huge risk. I mean, if we drop the guard in business or sports, we usually get our teeth knocked out. So why would we?

Well, because the consequences of walking around in the world with your guard up can be problematic. Issues with depression and loneliness are very real for many men as they struggle to produce the serotonin and oxytocin that comes from close and intimate relationships. Instead, they are often running off dopamine and cortisol, which can have serious consequences for sleep, cardiovascular health, and immune function. It also makes it much harder to bond in longer-term relationships, and is a recipe for hypervigilance, irritability, anxiety, and stress. This can be devastating for men’s mental health as they end up in a vicious cycle – trying to feel better with hits of dopamine that come from pursing success and achievement or excitement and novelty (i.e. sex, drugs and rock’n’roll).

To get out of this trap, it is important to learn how to safely connect and communicate with others. This takes some courage, curiosity, and patience. It requires us to become a little more self-aware, to communicate clearly, and to start partaking in activities that increase serotonin and oxytocin, helping us to feel more relaxed, rested, safe, and secure.