Men who have spent years in high-pressure professions are no strangers to discipline and structure. These careers demand decisiveness, emotional control, and self-reliance. But when it comes to personal relationships, these same strengths can become barriers to genuine connection. This is particularly relevant if you have an avoidant attachment style, where vulnerability and communication don’t come easy.
Here are 10 habits that can help you break through those barriers without sacrificing your independence or strength.
1. Schedule Time for Connection
Just like you schedule training exercises, carve out time to connect with your loved ones. Whether it’s a 15-minute check-in at dinner or a weekend hike, making time shows you care—even when words fail. Make it a non-negotiable in your week and try to be as present as possible for the activity. Not only will your loved ones appreciate it, but you will benefit from the serotonin and oxytocin that is released naturally when we do things with the people we love.
2. Use "I Statements"
Avoidant men often steer clear of expressing their feelings because it feels risky. Start small by framing emotions in "I" statements. For example: "I feel frustrated when..." or "I appreciate it when..." This keeps the focus on your experience and reduces the chance of conflict.
3. Practice Active Listening
In high-stress professions, you’ve been trained to assess, respond, and move on. Active listening takes a bit more effort as it is easy to miss what the person is really saying and what they might need. This is particularly relevant with children who don't have the vocabulary or insights to express what is happening for them. They rely on adults to listen to the words, decipher their feelings, pay attention to their environment, notice their body language... and then figure out what it is they might need. Making time to actively listen to children AND our loved ones builds trust, deeper connections, and lasting bonds.
4. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Show genuine interest by asking questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. For example, instead of asking, "Was your day okay?" try, "What was the best part of your day?" This encourages deeper conversation and shows you’re invested.
5. Acknowledge Emotions Without Fixing
Men with avoidant tendencies often jump to problem-solving. But sometimes, your loved ones just want to be heard. If you find it hard to know whether people want to vent, or whether they want some advice, then it's perfectly okay to ask a question like "do you need me to listen or would you like some advice." If they just want to be heard, acknowledge their feelings with phrases like, "That sounds really tough," or "I can see why you’d feel that way," without offering solutions. This will take practice!
6. Share Small Vulnerabilities
Opening up to your loved ones doesn’t mean unloading every fear or doubt at once. Start with something small: a funny mistake you made or a memory from your past. These small moments of vulnerability pave the way for deeper connections over time.
7. Learn to Pause Before Responding
Years of training might have conditioned you to respond immediately under pressure. In personal conversations, give yourself a moment to process what’s been said. Pausing helps you respond thoughtfully instead of defensively.
8. Practice Empathy as a Skill
Empathy isn’t weakness; it’s a superpower for communication - particularly when it comes to your loved ones. When you have a different perspective to a partner, child, or close friend, try and imagine the other person’s perspective. What might they be feeling or thinking, and importantly what need do you think they were trying to have met? Practicing empathy helps you connect on a human level, even when you don’t agree.
9. Set Boundaries With Clarity
Clear boundaries are essential for healthy communication. If you need alone time after a tough day, express it: "I’d like 30 minutes to decompress, and then I’m all yours." Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about creating space to show up as your best self.
10. Commit to Growth
The best leaders never stop learning, and the same goes for relationships. Read books, listen to podcasts, or work with a therapist or coach who understands attachment styles. Consistent effort over time leads to meaningful change.
The Payoff
Men who’ve served in high-stakes professions already know how to operate under pressure, lead with authority, and stay cool in chaos. The challenge now is to apply those same skills to relationships. Communication isn’t about being perfect; it’s about showing up. With these 10 habits, you’ll not only improve your relationships but also strengthen your confidence as a communicator and a man.
About The Author:
Sarah is a Clinical Psychologist dedicated to helping men overcome the mental battles and emotional scars that keep them stuck. She is particularly comfortable working with men who have difficulties identifying and expressing emotions, managing bottled-up frustrations, and maintaining emotional closeness with loved ones. As part of this, she is skilled at helping men who rely heavily on self-sufficiency, working on things like trust, self-esteem, and perfectionism to reduce the risks of stress and burnout. She does this by striking a balance between self-discovery and developing practical strategies to keep growing through life.
Sarah also provides Professional Supervision Services as well as Medico-Legal Services at her clinical psychology practice
